personal note #1

but that one day I woke up to coldness of your absence

to the meal untouched, shattered sunlit glasses on the floor projecting rainbows onto the wall
your words left unsaid; i felt them roaming in the air i breathe.
i wanted to leave.

i wanted to get on the train to nowhere you exist in my memory
or where being myself don't feel like somekind of fault or a guilt i have to carry
selfishness i nurtured in myself to crush people in pieces everytime while no apology intended
and then i grew distant, so much apart and detached from the only reality because it only contain so much of things you did and said; and of those i've learned, including once, i've loved the way you always had
but today you're not here
i stopped waiting and refuse to remember
in the end people just missed me more but i don't anymore; or will i ever?

words once i thought were becoming cheap until i gave up writing
are now the only thing left in between these boundaries
because everyday i wake up to another memory; to another begging to be made into another published entry.