When all else fails

That day when Afiq asked us why we chose medicine, I said "no reason" and I've always said that everytime people ask me. But little did they know, whenever I gather up the strength to dial the number I hate, listening to the voice that crumple me in pain everytime, the simple "hello" that put me in silent afterward.......my heart goes:

"there you go. the reason why you chose this"

and i hate to admit it because one day, I'll lose him. And I probably would lose my mind. But until that day, I'd like to believe he's going to be alive for another 100 years. 

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.” 
― Sylvia Plath